Vision Sight 20/20

 Came to my parent's place seeking a place for refuge from my mental turmoils. I found it felt quite safe at home, however, I had trouble mustering up the will to confess about my debts. Regardless, I felt at ease that there was enough money if things came to extreme situations. I feel that this world is full of sharks and really I only got myself and my family that have my best interest at heart. It seemed though that they wanted me to continue being independent which I suppose I will. I feel that it is time for me to hatch from my egg, and fly high up in this world.

 I am about 30k in debt, and 10 k I have to pay up pretty soon. The credit card may have high interest, I am not sure because I didn't check when I applied for it. I have made an irrational decision and waited long enough to come to this point. I am not sure why I arrived at this point but here I am. I believe the reason for my irrational behavior was due to self-sabotage. I for some reason want to put myself in a high-pressure procrastinating situation, which I have been in before. Also, I reflected that I was in a similar situation when I finally started making profits from my drop shipping business, I just stopped working. Such irrational self-sabotage behavior is frustrating and irritating.

I came across a period in my life where things seem very stale, the time has slowed down (while at the same time, inexplicably moving faster), and my dreams appear to have simmered down. I just felt like I needed some stability in my life and one word popped into my head. Stoicism. I remember learning from a youtube video on stoicism that we only experience the emotions we experience because we allow ourselves to interpret a certain event in that manner. For example, when I'm having a night out with my friends and getting drunk out of my mind, I could either choose to feel pure bliss and pleasure, or I could choose to feel miserable that I am wasting my time away and killing my brain cells with alcohol, killing my health with smoking, and messing up my sleeping schedule. Another example, imagine hearing some foul insults, and this came from someone intimidating or someone you care a lot from, ie, your significant other, your parents. This would be a very different experience as opp...